Do you ever feel stuck? I do. Here I am at 11:31 at night, can’t sleep because of the wondering mind. I just feel like writing and want to share with you. But what if what I put down on paper, or should I say , type on this post, offends someone! People say, “speak you mind, be honest” Yea, right? Do they really mean it? Until you say something about that person that saying just doesn’t fit. Do you ever feel like you just want to “blow up”? Go out in the back yard and scream just as loud as you can so you can let all of those emotions out? I do. Why is it that some days, all seems so relaxed then on other days I feel as though the world if falling apart. Am I the only one who feels that way? Please tell me I’m not. I remember a few years ago, someone told me to write on a rock what was bothering me and throw the rock in the lake never to be seem again, forgotten. I’ve done this, and I’ve also tried throwing a rock as far in the woods as I can. I’ve realized that it’s not about the rock, it’s about my mindset.
Did you know that your mind controls your emotions and your actions? What you think, connects to the heart which makes you act. Oh boy, how may times have I thought the negative and gone down the wrong path! I could sit here and feel sorry for myself with self pity but what good would that do? None at all. My mistakes are my mistakes and no one else’s. It’s just amazing to me that when I am doing, or at least feel like I am doing what my God wants me to do, the more I am attacked and the more my mind focuses on the past and how terrible I think I am. In Romans 8:1 it say that Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. No condemnation!!! Do you see that? Do you understand that? I think about it often but does it actually sink in? Why is it that God’s word is given to us so freely, yet we just don’t seem to get it!!!
I have been on a journey of death thinking for the past several months. I am not going to go into it because, well, because it may offend some people. Let’s just say that depression is real and can lead you to the pits of hell. It’s amazing that I can put on a mask just as well as anyone else. Kind of makes me think of Facebook which I call Fakebook. Yes, I see these wonderful posts on there and know for a fact of the real life situations. What a shame. What’s so bad about that is that others compare to that and think that their life is miserable when their life is probably way better than that Fakebook post. People—STOP COMPARING???? Get grounded in who YOU ARE! I promise I will.
I’m not judging anyone here believe me!!! I compare all the time. I’m not good enough, they don’t talk to me because… She has the perfect marriage, dresses so well, her children are perfect, she goes on so many wonderful vacations, her home is beautiful, she has a great job, her relationship with God is so awesome and the list goes on… Guess what? BULL CRAP!!!! Especially with the relationship with God. I learned a long time ago that my relationship with God is MY relationship with God and no one else’s. And I am so very thankful of that. If He wants to talk to me, He does. He doesn’t have to go through anyone else.
Well, I guess that’s enough of my rampage for tonight. It’s past midnight and I have to get my beauty sleep. (hahahaha) Hey, at 66 years old you need all of the beauty sleep you need. I was telling my family on my birthday a couple of week ago that if I were to make it to 75, I had 9 years to go, that I was less than two digits away from death. Makes me think. How do I want to live the rest of my life?
God Bless you all.