For some reason, today I keep thinking about something that I have not thought about since THAT day. When I was in the hospital after my accident, someone came to me that evening and asked how did I want my son dressed to be buried the next day! Right now, I just want to say who cares! But I remember saying, “Oh, I’ve always wanted him to have a little suit with a vest…” Later on that night, I was told that they couldn’t find one and was it ok it he wore —-, I don’t remember what.
Why am I constantly thinking about that today? I was even thinking about it before I finally went to sleep last night. I realize that this is the anniversary date but good grief! I’ve been fine for the past several years, but for some reason this year is just different. Maybe it’s the season that we’re all in with things going on around the world. Seems all out of wack! Maybe it’s the time of reflection that God has me in. He’s been quieting me, letting me be in the moment, letting me know that it’s ok to be still. I’ve never liked the stillness because that’s where the mind starts to race and mine seems to always have raced in the wrong direction – busyness has been my out – physically and mentally. So maybe, just maybe it’s being refocused to not just think that all is well but to get to the core to truly be well.
What good is it to be well dressed on the outside if the inside is messed up! Who do we do it for? Why would it have mattered what my son was wearing? Who would have cared? Was that what was so important at the time? Overlooking the hearts that were broken for some type of satisfaction?
There are so many questions today. I suppose it’s part of being in the valley where weakness becomes strength.
No matter what is going on, I am so very thankful for the day which began with coffee with a friend, then a nice long walk with another. None of this was mentioned but just being in the moment with each of them was a true blessing from God who knew exactly what I needed. I am thankful that He loves me where I am.